Easter Thoughts on Connection

Easter is a time for family in many countries. Yet many families forget that Easter is more than “tradition”, chocolate, and eating animals of all sorts. It is a time for reflection, open conversation, and seeking to support each other in our development.

Coming back home to our hill in Dalmatia when I visit my mother is sometimes truly inspiring. Not always do we exchange so deeply within such a short time frame. I arrived Friday evening, and today is Easter Sunday. Spring is motivating us to reflect and to see in each other a conversation partner who helps us find answers to what has been keeping us engaged in the current lessons of life that she and I must learn now.

When I talk to my mother, although I feel like I have moved a lot and acquired all sorts of knowledge, I still become humble. Sometimes I listen to her like a young woman, not trying to interrupt when she gets into a flow, because her sometimes obvious conclusions to matters I present are still realities I could not see.

For example, we were talking about a woman who received a kind of gift by being extremely intuitively interwoven with life’s answers, but I won’t tell you here about her specific talents, since this might shake off the "realists" among you. After a few years “in business,” she regressed into a child-like state. Her mother might have made a small fortune with her while also gaining merit for having such a daughter. Managers came and took over and made even more money with that young woman.

For a month I wondered, why this had happened. I had read her mother’s book about her and an article by a journalist describing how her performance changed as a young adult. I thought: if I had such a young person in my family who developed these kinds of talents, I would probably try to protect her from exposure until she was ready to estimate her own path. Being 14 or 15 and having "all sorts of" people seek you out and offer “performances” with hundreds of life-hungry spectators is certainly not healthy, even for a very mature teenager. Nature still follows its course, and at that age, a person does not yet see the full picture and may burn out easily.

My mother told me that this unhealthy development, again, was due to egoism of the mother and the manager. And she said, hat this young woman "subconciously" chose to hide inside. Her psyche activated a self-protection mechanism, bringing her back to a time in life when things felt safe, when she was loved simply for being a child. Now this woman speaks like an eight-year-old. I wish her strength, and I hope she will recover and bloom again one day, and then perhaps in secrecy, without anyone knowing about her past, maybe even with a new name, living a simple life, using her talents quietly for the benefit of society.

Society brings me to our next topic. Two nights ago, I had a dream about a situation with my German aunt, my mother, and me. It showed me how different our “well-meant” ideas from Germany can be in the reality of the Dalmatian hinterland. The cities in Croatia may have changed, but in the countryside, in our small villages, the idea of “flowing with society” still exists.

Growing up in Germany, or being part of our German relatives, we are often not aware of how interwoven lives still are here, and how much actions and behaviour are reflected through others. I believe that no matter where you go, you should always make an effort to learn about a new culture, even a subculture. When people look like us (similar clothes, hair, eyes, skin color,...) it can be even more difficult to see the differences, and we may judge quickly, thinking: they are reluctant to change, they don’t know what is good for them, they are bad at managing, and so on. We judge a lot. But we only judge from what we know, without considering what the other person might know.

I spoke to my mother about this dream, who returned after 30 years in Germany to live again in the Dalmatian countryside, and she confirmed my interpretation. She said that 12 years ago, when she came back, her eldest sister taught her that she must flow with society in her actions. And my mother - sometimes even more rebellious than me - had to learn this slowly, step by step.

We know that the ideas of a society can be limiting and sometimes even harmful to mental well-being. But on the other hand, societies simply are part of our human DNA. By flowing with society, we build houses, families, businesses and systems of rules that, at their best, help things run smoothly and reduce friction between people’s individual needs.

This is why, for example, listening to loud music might be tolerated when we are young. But at some point, it becomes common sense to think of more than just ourselves, when we are in "moods".

At the same time, in Dalmatia, feelings like jealousy or fear of inferiority, things that have always existed in societies because they are also part of our DNA, are increasingly being fueled. People are giving too much value to narratives of money and success (in very different forms of course), especially those shaped in WEIRD societies (as described by Joseph Henrich). In consequence, and this is not new, we are losing something across generations: truly seeing each other’s lives and situations, being there for the elderly, both as families and as a society. The social system is crumbling completely. Many people here, just like in other parts of Europe, are living alone and feeling lonely. Many do not know how to get from one month to the next when old. They do not receive enough care or emotional attention.

I wonder where we are heading as WEIRD societies. I wonder what it means to live in a world that produces one war after another, while at the same time, in non-war societies, families are drifting apart, because people continue chasing unreal ideals, fulfilling someone else’s dreams, never having learned what their true inner needs are or how to maintain the simple basics (among those love and health) in life.

Yet, who am I to judge? I have the opportunity to look behind many veils, and still, many remain unlifted. I travel to learn more, to find inspiration, to share when I am invited. I make this possible for me, guiding my own path. My relationships with my mother, my lover, my friends are good because I open my heart again and again, even in difficult moments with people. And I simply wish for a more loving, open-door way of living, for helping when someone is in need without expecting anything in return, even if others might judge it. No matter what belief system a person follows, I hope people begin to believe in themselves first and foremost as human beings, being there for other human beings, and this has to do something with flowing with society by nature. Each of us contributes their own small part. It never has to be "big", it never has to be "loud". Nobody needs to know what we do, for whom, or how much we have helped.

In a sincere face-to-face encounter, money becomes just a temporary resource to create change. Buying someone a meal on the street is as meaningful as generously supporting the education of children from a disadvantaged family until they graduate from a technical school or university—just as a friend of mine is doing.

Just some WEIRD thoughts of a westerner between worlds!

#weirdsocieties #easterthoughts #dalmatia #flowing